The Blasphemer is in...

This place was made by the Deathand, and the Deathand keeps it. Open to those who have no qualms about talking chances, or enjoy a good competition. Haven holds events for users to gain Operator Points for use of Favor, or a trick or two. Who knows...you might even get inducted into the Order of Secrets...
Post Reply
User avatar
Kaome Sky Deathand
Assessor of the Black Tontine
Posts: 1175
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:14 am
Location: Lingering at Life

The Blasphemer is in...

Post by Kaome Sky Deathand » Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:34 pm

Wish granted.
Cruor Vult

Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion,
simultaneously the source of our greatest strength, and our greatest weakness.

Soon we shall be One...joined in the Word.

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

Re: The Blasphemer is in...

Post by Jericho Veronus » Wed Aug 19, 2009 10:35 pm

SO HERE'S THE DEAL!
APPOINTMENT'S NOT NECESSARY, THOUGH WALK-INS WILL BE SHOT ON SITE

I, the prophet Jericho, have become Clan VZ's very own 'Dear Abby' or Dear Abbyss as I prefer to call it since a guy claiming to be a 'Dear Abby' character sounds just a little bit homo. Through the power of PMs, I will be taking questions, comments, complaints, or anything that pops into your mind and comes out by way of the contact between your fingers and a keyboard. I will then post said PM and reply for the rest of the community forum to see. Names will either be replaced with the simple 'Anonymous' or a humorous alias of my choosing to correlate with the PM. I ask that you do not reply within the forum itself but you may PM with the subject heading 'comments (the number of the segment). Any and all replies to individual segments will be added by myself once again with the same name labeling system though I you may have your name posted if you wish.

I await any PMs so that I may express my wisdom, advice and opinions on any and every topic you can think up. Any and all are welcome.

So I now end this post with the simple statement: "The Blasphemer is in!"
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: THE FIRST (Segment #1)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:24 am

Dear Abbyss.

I am tired, and I feel like contributing for the entertainment of the forum. How is Baby? Thoughts on the DoE discussion? What about Justin Bieber?


Dear Alpha Patient,

First off, let me express my thanks for your PM. You are the first in what I plan to be a long lasting form of entertainment on the Clan VZ forums. As far as how Baby is. Baby is as he always has and always will be. Though he and his brother's have currently been hired for parts in what will be one of the greatest online indie-films ever made, "Outlaw Torn", which won't be up for several months but teasers and updates of said movie will be appearing very soon.

For thoughts on the DoE discussion I more than welcome any and all to send their comments as well since there are many who are much better versed than I on the subject, but I will share my thoughts nonetheless. I've always been a big fan of the 'if it ain't broken, don't fix it' mentality, but I'm kinda divided on what to think about DoE now. I do like how it's become more so like DotA, in a "sick, twisted way, and that wasn't the vision I originally had in mind for the map." (Dusk)
But the things I personally like, since I've only personally played DoE once or twice, are the setting for random heroes where you get what your dealt, and people can't just figure out someway to quickly build the same hero and own newbies. Also it can force players to learn how to become better players being able to adapt to whatever hero they're placed in.
Another is the fact that there is a single player mode so you can still play and learn the map adequately when no one else is on.

Now onto Justin Bieber. I have never liked child musicians or singers, especially male ones. Giving a child a career with minimum requirements of knowledge requirements is like giving a child the winnings of a million dollar lottery ticket. They are impulsive, rushing into using what they're given. This causes them also to be easily influenced by those around them. So lawyers, agents, managers, other artists, even their own family ultimately decide what they do with it rather than the artist themselves. More specifically for Justin Bieber himself, he's kinda girly, a wuss and just plain annoying. Not to mention he's already old enough, that his balls are gonna drop soon (hopefully at least, but kinda up in the air after seeing this kid). But when that happens his career's gonna flat line.

~The Blasphemer


Again thank you for writing, I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I did writing this in my sleep deprived, sugar-run mental state. PM any comments or questions regarding this segment or further segments to me and I will reply in a timely fashion.
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:23 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: TRUTH OF GOOD VS EVIL(Segment #2)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:25 am

Dear Abbyss,

If you try to fail and succeed...what have you done?
Will Baby be speaking his own lines in his upcoming Indi-epic?
If not, how does he feel about being voiced by another?
What is Baby's outlook on the dichotomy of Good and Evil?

Regards,
Exile


Dear Exile,

The simplest response to your first question is that you have succeeded to fail, though along that philosophy if you try to fail at everything you do, you will ultimately always result in a positive outcome. When you try to fail at a task and you accomplish just that, you completed what you have set out to do, but still on the other hand if you try and fail at failing, ultimately succeeding in the task, you still come out on top. So either by succeeding at failing or failing at failing, as long as your intention was to fail in the first place, you will always succeed.

Unfortunately we neither possess the technology, nor the understanding of presenting Baby's voice captured on film. Baby's true voice is so powerful, that should an being of existence within a mortal plane hear it, their eyes would burst into flames, their brain would liquefy within their skull, their throat would spasm and choke itself, their intestines would hemorrhage and turn inside out and their very soul would wither and turn to dust all before the atmosphere would ignite and destroy the entire planet in a flaming explosion which the likes would never be seen since everyone's eyes would have already burst prior to the explosion. Not to mention the after shock would force all matter in the universe hurling to the most extreme lengths of existence. So yes, his voice will be done by another and since he is very merciful, he is ok with this.

Now Baby is the expert most source on the dichotomy of Good and Evil as he is the child of the very essence of the two. In order to further explain I refer to a passage from the Book of Dawning according to the Zealot of Ages.

"11. And He was born. 12. And He was the child of both good and evil, before either existed. 13. His father, God Himself, and his mother, the devil. 14. And since God kept constant strength in His pimp hand, the devil was kept in line. 15. But then God turned his back and was distracted. 16. And the devil took advantage of these new found, yet shortly lived freedom. 17. And so the devil cheated on God. 18. And thus the wrath of God was created. 19. God back handed that triflin hoe and sent her packin. 20. And this was a back-hand which words can not even begin to describe. 21. And the force of such a slap sent the devil ripping through reality itself, eventually coming to a stop in a dead zone of existence. 22. And so Hell was created.

And so Baby possessing equal parts of both the original good and evil entities views good and evil simply as dad and mom.

~The Blasphemer


Thank you Exile for bringing to us such questions in which we could delve into the BOOK OF BABY in order to answer.
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: WOMEN (Segment #3)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Fri Aug 21, 2009 5:13 pm

Dear Abyss,

The thing in your last answer about the good vs evil with the devil being a women is stupid. That's just sexist saying the devil is a woman. You're dumb.


Dear Individual who is probably most obviously a woman,

It is not stupid. Putting veggies on a meatlovers pizza is stupid, buying season tickets for any other team than the Steelers is stupid, revealing that the devil is a woman is not stupid. Honestly, I fail to see how you can't believe the devil is a woman. I will now tell you the same thing I told the first person to challenge this. It's a soul-sucking tempter of sin through your wildest desires, sounds like a woman to me. Not to mention the age old explanation.

Women require time and money: Women = Time X Money
Time is money: Time = Money
Therefore: Women = Money X Money or Women = Money^2
Now since money is the root of evil: Money = sqrt(evil)
Therefore: Women = (sqrt(Evil))^2
And Therefore: Women = Evil

So I feel that it has been proven in a logical and mathematical manner that the very essense of evil, the devil, is a woman.

~The Blasphemer


And don't worry, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, regardless of how wrong it may be. I may make fun of it, but anything typed to Dear Abyss will be posted, so feel free to write what you will, and I'll do my best to answer.
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS (Segment #4)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Sat Aug 22, 2009 3:05 pm

Dear Abbyss,

I was just wondering if you had seen any good movies lately and if you had any suggestions for anyone of what they should see.
Thanks.

Sincerely,
A Fan of Movies


Dear fan of movies,
To name a few of the movies I've seen as of late have been the Hangover, G.I. Joe, District 9, Funny People, and The Goods. I also plan on seeing Inglorious Bastards, 9, and Gamer. And I'll go over them in my own views.

Hangover: Funny sh!t, definitely loved watching it. A complilation of drug, sex, and violent humor within a 'what happens in vegas stays in vegas' type of story. At the same time provides a journey of self-discovery for the four main characters

G.I.Joe: For those of you who are even old enough to remember the classic cartoon and/or comic book, don't expect this movie to be anything like it, pretty much the only thing that ties the classics to this new one is the names, other than that it's a completely different story, but fun to watch nonetheless.

District 9: Two words - Friggin Awesome! Great effects to display, in the most intense fashion, the destruction and mayhem brought about when two alien species attempt to co-exist while having conflicting objectives. The gore and violence displayed through the fighting is fast paced action which I hope to see again in more movies to come.

Funny People: Wasn't really a big fan of this movie, went in expecting a comedy and although it had some funny parts it just seemed to drag on forever never really giving a point to the story.

The Goods: Quick humor. Although the movie only lasted 88 minutes, it's good for a cheap laugh.

And I'm definitely looking forward to the three I plan on seeing. Hopefully this gives you a good idea on what movies to see.

~Blasphemer
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: MY EXPERTISE (Segment #5)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:46 pm

Dear Abyss,

There's this girl that I've liked for a really long time, but before I ever really made my move, she sorta hooked up with a really good friend of mine. They broke up though like two weeks ago. Is it cool if I finally make my move, cause I still really like her and I knew that they wouldn't really work out? I'll really take any advice you can give me at this point.

Love Struck & Confused


Dear Love Struck & Confused,

I'd first like to start this answer off with the stipulation that this was an actual serious search for advice, as that will be how I answer it. I couldn't actually tell if you were writing this simply to be humorous, but if you really need advice on the situation, you've come to the right place my friend.

There are several factors you must examine before you consider really making any move.
Two questions to start off before you do are: Is there any evidence that she would have the same sort of feelings towards you? Is she ready to be put into such a situation after having ended her last relationship two weeks ago?

If yes, then proceed with the steps I continue with. If no, I suggest you relax until YOU atleast feel the answers would be yes.

Next you must balance out the most probable effects to relationships, should something actually successfully happen between you two. Find out how your friend would feel, what's his view on her after their relationship had ended? If he's okay with it, there is definitely a green flag on that part. If not, then is what might happen with this girl worth the possibility of breaking your friendship with her ex. Both of these can be completely overlooked under certain circumstances though. Before your friend made his move, did you ever tell him how you felt about this girl? Did he ever tell you what he was considering to do or did you just find out after it started? According to the "Man-Code" it is completely appropriate for you to make your move regardless of his feelings if he knew how you felt and just went behind your back to hook up with her.

Now if you can successfully navigate through the first two steps you are cleared to make your move. Be delicate with the move. Timing is everything. Realize the state she's in since she just ended a relationship, with someone she can relate to you most likely as well. So make sure you identify yourself as an independent. Be original in that if your friend is okay with you making your move, DO NOT USE INFORMATION ABOUT HER THAT YOU GOT FROM HIM. There is always the possibility that she will identify your actions with her ex, one of the last things you want to happen.

Also, since you've claimed to like her for a while and a good friend of yours went out with her, I'm hoping you've at least established a friendship with her. If not, shame on you, you're a wuss. Personally I have to say, you should have made your move when you first meant to, rather than waited until after your friend did. However, now that she's single again and you're willing to make your move, just make sure you do it before someone else does, again.

May BABY guide you in your quest of love,
~Blasphemer


Just a reminder that I, the Blasphemer, am available for advice on any subject you may think up. Feel free to send any questions, comments or concerns.
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE:I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS ONE BEING REALLY LONG(Segment

Post by Jericho Veronus » Wed Aug 26, 2009 5:32 pm

Dear Abbyss,

How many patron saints are there and what are their purpose?
Is a dagger in the dark really worth a thousand swords at dawn?
What is Baby's view on the war between Pirates and Ninjas?

Same as always,
Exile


Dear Exile,

The number of patron saints as well as their purpose will be different based on the religion you are referring to. I am going to assume you're referring to the follower ship of the one true BABY. In which case, I must reply that we have no 'patron saints' but the closest possible equivalent would be the Zealots, in which case there are 261. They range greatly in status and purpose. One which I have since quoted in this forum is Ragnar Orius, Zealot of Ages. His specific purpose is a guide to beginnings and is depicted as a hunched hooded figure carrying a large leather book upon his back. In the convenience of time and space I will only share a few, but those who wish to know more are more than welcome to ask. The Zealot to which I have devoted myself is Jericho Triuz, Zealot of Judgment. His specific purpose is judge of all souls, upon them finally leaving the body, depicted as a fully armored knight of platemail, holding in one hand a sword, while in the other an olive branch. Some others include Alizae Shekry, Zealot of Innocence, she protects infants until they are old enough to manage to fend for themselves, depicted as a woman with a swaddled baby, though equipped with a spear impaling a serpent. Dredgerium Mavrik, Zealot of Vows, an elderly man sitting within a room completely filled by one long flowing scroll, ensures that one who dedicates his or herself to the way of BABY stays true to their word. And Yalemans Kilzorth, Zealot of Balance, ensures that the balance between good and evil within the physical world is kept at all times. He is a giant, of enormous muscular physic who sits upon a mountain overlooking the entirety of the world. Hopefully this gave you a good idea of the Zealots.

Whether the dagger in the dark in worth more than the thousand swords at dawn is all a matter of what the object can and has accomplished. If the dagger manages to actually accomplish the task it was meant to carry out, then one must weigh the worth of the task against that to be carried out by the thousand swords. While the dagger in the dark can change the life line of one individual at a time, is it worth more than the change of a possible thousand or more lives that may take the same amount of time. It is all a matter of an individual's opinion, though if you are asking me to weigh the worth in accordance, once again, to the follower ship of BABY then I shall simply answer with a quote by Brother Castellen during his vision while praying to Uri Valenus, the Warrior Zealot, which is very closely related to the dilemma at hand:

9. And he told me to rise and walk with him, though as he led me from my room I was blinded by a white light. 10. And when I could again see, I was no longer in my homeland of Ghenis. 11. The skies where black though I could see for a great distance. 12. And the Zealot pointed towards a palace in the distance, guarded by a great mass of warriors. 13. And then I was turned around, as behind me stood an almost identical scene of another guarded palace. 14. And I asked the Zealot, "Why have you brought me here, when it is the war in MY homeland I prayed to you about?" 15. And he told me that this WAS the war of my homeland, the war of any homeland. 16. And he asked me, "If you wish for my protection in battle, show me how you plan to achieve victory?" 17. And so I said in turn, "I shall lead my forces into battle against the enemies forces and I will prevail." 18. And the Zealot then replied, "Why risk the lives of every soldier, when you can simply cut off the head of the enemy leader and be done with it?" 19. And upon completing his words I was back in my room.

The next day Brother Castellen led his troops into battle, and although there were losses, he eventually demolished the enemy forces, bringing about peace. Zealot Valenus protected Brother Castellen during the battle because he was deserving. How can one hope to accomplish the task of the dagger without first overcoming obstacles that would require a thousand swords? The dagger in the dark is a task lacking in courage, lacking in honor, while the thousand swords at dawn is the task that requires many to be willing to fight for what they want, to show they are willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater cause.

As for pirates vs ninjas. BABY refuses to acknowledge that people even see this as a contest. Pirates are a bunch of usually untrained individuals who simply group together to rape, pillage, and plunder other ships and coastal towns. They live simply to experience adventure and acquire glory. Whereas ninjas, while use some methods which are cowardly, are trained specifically to carry-out tasks involved with stealth, usually involving theft and assassination. Ninjas are trained killers, who possess an arsenal of extremely precise and effective ranged weapons, as well as close range blades. Pirates are equipped with swords, single shot pistols or rifles, and cannons, all of which are in fact seriously lacking in real accuracy. NINJAS WIN.

Hopefully I managed to enlighten you on a great deal in this response.
~Blasphemer
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: MYSTERIOUS WISEMAN

Post by Jericho Veronus » Fri Aug 28, 2009 5:48 pm

Dear Abyss,

Why don't people write to you more often to receive your infinite pearls of wisdom? They really should.


Dear Mysterious Stranger of Great Insight,

That my friend, is a very good question. One I am completely mystified by and haven't the slightest idea how to answer. A few have chosen to write, though have made it more just a one time occurence without explanation. You'd think anyone at all with the opportunity to receive free advice of the utmost enlightenment, from the great prophet himself.

I'm sorry, but I this is the first question, to which I cannot give a complete answer.

~The Blasphemer
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: LETTER FROM REPEAT OFFENDER (Segment #8)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Sun Aug 30, 2009 6:28 pm

Dear Abbyss...

Does Baby believe in anything like Fate or Destiny?
What is 21 out of 42?
Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
In a fight who would win; Darth Vader or Magneto?

As always,
Exile


Dear Exile,

Allow me this opportunity to first thank you for your continuous efforts to learn from BABY.
Baby does indeed believe in such as Fate and/or Destiny, though it is by another name: BABY'S WILL. You see it is very simple, everything that is, everything that has been, and everything that ever will be in because he wills it to be. The reason you were born, the reason your friends are who they are, the reason the sky is blue, the reason the continuum transfunctioner makes time travel possible, the reason tofu tastes like crap, the reason why the Rum is all gone; all results of Baby's will.

Baby says 21 out of 42 is 21. He says so, can't really argue, like at all, with that.

No, I have not danced with the devil in the pale moonlight, I'm pretty sure God would back hand me, which as you learned from previous segment's is pretty much the most epic thing ever. And that is, if Baby doesn't get to me first for screwin around with his mom.

Darth Vader, hands down. Regardless of the fact that he has asthma and only one real limb. There's no way his shiny black suit is made of metal, most likely some sort of enhanced plastic alloy, so Magneto can't really directly affect him. Magneto's ability to control metal is no match for Darth Vader's control of the Force. Darth Vader could choke Magneto's ass out before Magneto even knew what was up. Not to mention Darth Vader could just use Force Lighting to fry Magneto's brains since he wears that metal helmet. And I just thought of it, but Darth Vader could always just have the Death Star blow up whatever planet or meteor base, or whatever that Magneto is on.

I conclude this segment with an inquiry to all readers, I would like to know what your thoughts are on the fight between Darth Vader and Magneto. Please pm any thoughts as to who would win and why to me so that I may post and we'll see in the world of Valor and Zeal, who in fact would win.

~The Blasphemer
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: EVERYONE DESERVES A TITLE (Segment #9)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Fri Sep 11, 2009 5:30 pm

If Baby is the son of the Devil, what position does he hold in the hierarchy of the Damned?

Sincerely,
Lacking Formalities


Dear LF,

First I would like to apologize for taking so long in getting back to your question, and I would like to also apologize to my general audience for having such a long span of time in which there were no posts, within this forum. However, I limited in dishing out knowledge if I'm not given the minds to feed. If you wish to know the answers, you must first give me the questions. Help me, help you.

Anyway on to your question LF. Like all questions this one can easily be answered by quoting a passage from the Book of BABY, however, it can also be answered by quoting many religious books throughout the world in fact. Though,their views are all slightly skewed. The following quote gives one such representation.

"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth." -King James Bible, Revelations 6:8

You see, BABY,born of God and the devil herself is in fact the eldest of four. And in what many call,The End of Days, the four are supposedly going to arrive to bring death, destruction and disease,yada yada yada. When in fact it is not the End of Days,but rather the Beginning of Days. As of now, the mortal realm is in constant flux of a supernatural epic battle royale draft pick. You see, the "end of days" is the deemed coming about of the final showdown between heaven and hell. In which every chosen soul,is pitted to fight for control. And so I know quote from the Zealot of Balance in the Book of Bloodletting.

"1. And so I bared witness the last soul who would appear before the Zealot of Judgement 2. And I knew what was coming 3. It was now no longer within my power to maintain the balance of this world 4. So I watched as the ground shook and the skies split 5. All manner of figures came pouring forth 6. Those left powerless to do nothing but watch as swords clashed, as bombs fell, as brother fought brother..."

yada yada yada, we're gonna skip on ahead.

"78. And through the darkness four shapes appeared from four opposite ends of the realm."

yada yada

"129. And I looked, and beheld,the fourth and final horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and he left Hell behind him 130. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword any who opposed him as he slew those still attempting to feast upon the remaining souls of the realm 131. And HE would bring an end to the struggle between heaven and hell as they closed off the rifts between worlds 132. And this would become His world,and I,his everlasting servant and disciple 133. For only through death may we have life"

So yeah, I guess that best explains BABY's position in the hierarchy of the damned. Thanks for the question LF.

~The Blasphemer
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: PUMP YOU UP (Segment #10)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Tue Sep 15, 2009 7:05 pm

Abyss,

Long time reader,first time writer. I'm kinda on the chubby side and I've just recently started to try and get into a workout routine. Would you happen to have any tips or anything you could offer.

-Gettin' Big


Dear Gettin' Big,

Before I answer your question I pray to the Zealot of Clarity that the name "Gettin' Big" is only implying that you're trying to bulk up your general muscles and that it is not in fact a very weird sexual reference. Now since I convince myself that I was correct I will answer your question.

As all should know I, the Blasphemer, am in fact the owner of a body equal to that of a finely sculpted piece of art. That being said, I would be more than happy to share some pointers and tips. Now in terms of physiology there are actually three genetic body types that any person can be placed into, which determines the kind of shape you are actually able to get in. These basses usually are determinable through certain measurements of height, weight, and fat percentages per certain areas of you body. To get more into details on these, write me again and I'll take you through further specific directions for working out. Now on a more general level, exercise for muscle growth can usually divide into three different specifications. Upper body, lower body, and cardio, and oddly enough lower body and cardio for the best results go hand in hand.

For cardio there is no better option than running. And as a quick note, any time you do cardio, do it for at least 30minutes, even if it's just jogging, because the body actually isn't even benefited by the cardio until approximately minute 20. Now running is the best cardio in that it involves muscle movement of the entire body while also giving a very good work out for the lower body. Swimming is also an excellent cardio but, it doesn't put focus on the legs or really any general extremity muscles,but definitely a good exercise nonetheless.

Lower body work outs are actually somewhat over-rated. When I say lower body, I'm talking for glutes down, basically just your ass and legs. Lifting exercises with the legs are actually best used for rehabilitation when you suffer injuries or soreness in joints or muscles, and is good to keep up when you can't run due to things like shinsplints. But on its own lower body workouts don't actually show much in the way of results; best to mix them with cardio. Like I said,running.

Now upper body is actually my favorite. There are very many muscles that all must be targeted in different ways from various presses and pulls using both free weight or your own body weight. To get into a more specific routine for upper body, contact me after this,and that goes for any readers. But i'll give you a few ideas. The three most commonly effective exercises for upper body actually require no free weights at all. They are pull-ups, push-ups, and dips. Now each one of these exercises, based on how you do them can workout various groups of muscles. Though as just doing sets of all three each day is a good start. Now when doing sets of reps for any workout at all, for best results I recommend 4 sets of 14 reps each, and adjust weight accordingly, of course with body weight exercise,you should adjust the reps, which is actually also what Arnold Schwarzenegger suggests back when he was a huge time body builder. And do so with very little recovery in between. For example if I were to be doing a push-up,pull-up,dip rotation, I would do approximately 15 push-ups, 10pull-ups, 10dips, and knock them out right after each other, waiting NO LONGER than 60 seconds before starting the next set.

Upper body includes abs as well, but once again,there is a simple body weight routine which can cover all muscle groups of the lower abdomen. They include crunches,side crunches, and sit-ups. And yes for those of you who don't know, sit-ups and crunches are entirely different exercises AND target entirely different sets of ab muscles. I suggest the same with the rotation I mentioned above, though with greatly increased number of reps.

Also in terms of supplements and all that, there are a couple rules I suggest. Stuff like creatine and all those whey-protein muscle builders and whatnot, can produce results, but only when used properly. You MUST use that kinda stuff in routine along with your work-outs. If you don't work-out properly, all those powders are just gonna give you real expensive poops. If you miss a work-out, it does set you back, sometimes a lot. Also,energy drinks should not be a replacement for water. I'm not saying don't use them, but do so in addition to water. Also carbonated energy drinks are misleading. The "energy" they supply is more or less the same "energy" you'd get from an espresso,except with more carbonated gas build ups in your system. They're more so designed for if you need energy to write a term paper instead of going tobed, same with those 5 hour energy shots. They WILL NOT help with athletic performance. I know from much tested experience, including a scenario in which I tossed aside the "Do not consume more than 2 in 24 hours." Since I like to see warning labels as challenges,I consumed 3 of them within a two hour period, at no point between shots or after final consumption did I receive extra energy for really excelling with work-out performance.Though later I did experience a strange tingle sensation in both my arms.

Anyway, to really get into specifics, hit me up,and this goes for anyone. Oh and a very important thing before I forget. For maximum results, ALWAYS do your lifting immediately after a cardio workout, doing it before a cardio or not doing a cardio at all will only get you the minimalist of results.

Thanks for writing Gettin' Big, I actually enjoyed responding to this PM. Oh and to through in a little prophetness.

IF BABY WISHES FOR YOU TO GET BIG, THEN YOU SHALL.

(Baby's not really big on the whole workin-out thing)
~The Blasphemer
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: RULES OF THE TRADE (Segment #11)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Sat Sep 19, 2009 11:19 am

Dear Abbyss,

Does the Church of Baby have commandments or anything along those lines? Or any religious songs or hymns?


Dear (Insert Name Here (I'm feeling too lazy today))

Within the Followership of Baby there are indeed both sets of rules similar to the Ten Commandments and songs considered of religious significance, though like everything in the teachings of Baby, it would take nearly a lifetime for me to explain them all. You see, the Followership is very Zealot oriented and in such,each of the 621 Zealots have their own sets of rules called Ordinances. The rules vary greatly depending on the Zealot, ranging from the Single Ordinance of the Zealot of Jubilee, which is simply "Drink up and be merry" to the Zealot of Slaughter's list of 759 Ordinances of Properly Disposing of Corpses, each one set aside for a separate situation. However, aside from the Zealot oriented ordinances, there are The Five Ordinances of Baby.
1. Thou shall know no other greater than Baby.
2. Thou shall defend the Word of Baby.
3. Thou shall defend thy honor and the honor of Baby's name.
4. Thou shall live everyday as it may be thou's last
5. Thou shall trust in the Will of Baby and that it shall provide.

There are very simple ordinances and easy to follow. No Zealot Ordinances will ever conflict with the Five Ordinances, though many Zealot's conflict with others.

As far as songs go, it is the same situation with the Ordinances. Each Zealot has their own song of praise or Canticle as they are called. Though each Zealot only has one. Baby on the other hand has quite a number which are only sang during specific times of worship and as the time of the Festival of Venture is quickly approaching, I supply you with this link in which you may listen to the festival's song. Canticle of the Festival of Venture

I know you enjoy learning about the Followership as much as I enjoy teaching, so keep reading and keep sending those questions.

~The Blasphemer
Last edited by Jericho Veronus on Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: GO TO THE CORNER (Segment 12...sorta)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:28 pm

Abyss,

What is the festival of venture? And I guess when and where as well? Will baby be making an appearance?

~A Wasted Mind


Dear A Terrible Thing,

How it joys me to hear interest from outsiders about the celebrations of the Followership, I regretably will not answer it simply in this post. Instead I invite you to turn your attention to this week's BLASPHEMER'S CORNER. Where I will,if having not already posted a cordial invitation to all to join in the First Feast of the Festival of Venture, as well as any and all festivities that follow.

And the attendance of BABY will most undoubtedly be filled in spirit,though in terms of a physical presence, I do not yet know.

-The Blasphemer
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

User avatar
Jericho Veronus
Blasphemer
Posts: 284
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Camp Pendleton
Contact:

CASE FILE: WAKE ME IN SPRING (Segment 13!)

Post by Jericho Veronus » Fri Apr 16, 2010 10:24 pm

The current prophet's apprentice, upon doing his rounds, approached the place where once stood the magnificent stand that acted as a grail of advice according to the word of the Prophet. It had been months since being torn down in order to be used in construction of the suspension system the Prophet built in order to create a summoning seal for transport of the great Warp Train itself. Though something new, now resided there. A piece of tattered and aged parchment lay on the stone. Held in place by a black thorn piecing the parchment, jammed into a crack to hold it in place, and on it a message headed "Dear Abyss"

“Do I dare wake the master for his answer? No, I cannot. He is not to be disturbed until the Rinclaw. I must answer it.”

As the great Prophet himself is still slumbering within the mechanized tomb of the colossus, as are the other six champions awaiting the Rinclaw, his apprentice was left in his stead.

Dear Abbyss,

Tell me, if you would, the story of Ragnar Thunderfist.

With regards,
Exile


"May the Lord and Savior, Baby, show mercy and take pity upon me for any injustice done during the retelling of a most epic tale by one of such low caliber ranking in the Holy Hierarchy."

Dear Exile,

There are in fact many stories chronicling the life of Ragnar Thunderfist. His role in the Three Nation War, the story of his ‘wandering’ after his dealings with the biscuit harlot of Capua, which left him convinced that women in fact possessed no heart, though the story I believe you seek and which he is most famous for is how he gained a Seat of Order and ultimately the title of zealot. Even though during the celebration of the Festival of Venture, a brief explanation of his tale was given.

While I did come upon your letter several days ago, apologies for taking so long in responding. I had to consult my notes in order to get the answer you receive. It was not at all easy, since through the life of a prophet’s apostle, he must write the Book of Baby in his own words as he is taught its lessons and stories. That is the constant flow of the Word. Ever changing with time, though its meaning forever constant. One apostle’s book may start with the story of existence, when the Father Creator set forth his first creation of a physical plane in the Prime Realm. Another, however, may start with Baby’s conquest of the Third Realm, which through the Father Creator’s eyes was Baby’s show of , while yet another still may start with a story of another of the brothers altogether.

So what I have for you may not be everything that another's Book may, but I will fulfill my duty to the best of my ability.

As only a neophyte, Ragnar Thunderfist began his venture of self-worth for the Counsel of Belmora. The venture of Self-Worth is a trial that all men go through, a coming of age if you will. The objective was to find ones way back to the Citadel within a month, with evidence that he be deserving of his life. The Counsel judges to what worth each individual's accomplish gains. Remnants of slain creatures and gifts from five of the seven tundra tribes have been the most common of showings of self-worth. Though as time passes, the more a piece of evidence repeats itself, the less worth it gains, so while one may bring back two heads of Ghenris Wolves, it may have only a shadow's sliver's worth of the first that brought back only one. Brother Ragnar wished for something else, he wished for what he considered a true show of glory, true evidence that he earned the title within the elite ranks of the order.

The month passed and the neophytes returned to show their worth, and while some gained higher ranks, none achieved anywhere near the worth of the Counsel itself. That is, until the last night. When Ragnar Thunderfist returned with only hisself and his story. Now even though the only audience to his story with the members of the Counsel, Ragnar did in fact retell his story to one man, Prophet Spartus Faro. And through his writings, passed down I retain few details of the entire tale, though still enough.

Brother Ragnar required the entire month, sheerly out of necessity for travel. In the span, he had been to all seven tribes of the tundra, regardless of their ongoing wars. Not even spending an entire day in any one location, he managed to acquire something that had never before been acquired, and never again can be. When he returned, he carried nothing with him, for his own body was his trophy. He wore seven separate markings, different in color, design, and origin. Two tattoos dawn his back, one his leg and a fourth his right bicep. A straight scar with a curved branch and black stone embedded upon its end ran up his right leg. A tri-star, a scar of three equal curved motions in separate directions though originating at the same point dawned his left cheek. And surgically grafted into the center of his chest, a blue rune stone with red markings. And each of these seven pieces, now a part of him, bore with them a story. While I have no specifics of any individual story, the markings represented the approval of each of the seven tribal chieftains. Not approval of simply a friend of the tribe, or recognition of strength or bravery, but rather as approval of each chieftain to wed and bed their daughters. As crass as it may sound to some, Ragnar Thunderfist gained position of Counsel and through it, title of Zealot, by acquiring recognition of every tribe that he was good enough to have his way with their most prized possessions, even knowing full well that he had already had it with others. He returned to the Citadel having taken the virginity and sanctity of all seven.

As it is my duty to continue seeking such information, I will pass it on if ever I learn more of how it was he managed to accomplish such. But for now, this is the story of Ragnar Thunderfist.

-Apostle of Blasphemy
Image
May God have mercy on your soul, for you shall find none here!

Post Reply

Return to “Haven”