I love mornings

[Pigger]

True story. I woke up this morning as a god damn wasp was stinging my chin. I'd like to see how that blended in with my sex dream. I swatted the twinker down on the bed. In the same motion my other arm swept back all the covers. It was just me versus the bee. Of course, my chin was starting to swell up, but that just gave me some badassery points alongside the nakedness. I leapt on the bed and tackled the twinker. Pulled a pillow over its head and smothered it. I wasn't quite sure if I had killed it or not. I only had about a hundred and fourty pounds to pile onto a squishy pillow over an equally squishy bed. I lifted the pillow and it flew right at me. I guess it hadn't had enough. Two fists met right as it reached the tip of my nose. Showed that twinker who was boss.

But twink! The bear. God damn giant grizzly stood in my doorway and just stared. I could see in its eyes it was afraid. It just witnessed a murder. Damn thing got up some courage though. Lifted his head back, roared a mighty powerful roar -- and hit its twinking head on the door frame. Genius beast. I ran over to it, still naked, and put it in a full nelson while it was still dazed. It was a sight, the damn thing couldn't break free.

"WHO'S YOUR DADDY? WHO'S YOUR GOD DAMN DADDY?!"

I nearly broke its neck, the thing whimpered once and I knew it had had enough. I flipped him over and gave him a spank. That'll teach him.

[Logue]

/wake up

[Kaome Sky Deathand]

This morning I jumped on my horse
And went out for a ride,
And some wild outlaws chased me
And they shot me in the side.
So I crawled into a wildcat's cave
To find a place to hide,
But some pirates found me sleeping there,
And soon they had me tied
To a pole and built a fire
Under me--I almost cried
Till a mermaid came and cut me loose
And begged to be my bride,
So I said I'd come back Wednesday
But I must admit I lied.
Then I ran into a jungle swamp
But I forgot my guide
And I stepped into some quicksand,
And no matter how I tried
I couldn't get out, until I met
A water snake named Clyde,
Who pulled me to some cannibals
Who planned to have me fried.
But an eagle came and swooped me up
And through the air we flied,
But he dropped me in a boiling lake
A thousand miles wide.
And you'll never guess what I did then--
I DIED.

True Story

[Oxygen]

yay for killing animals, that's always a nice way to start a day