I can only hope the this latest will live up with the rest.
For those of you not accustomed to my antics...BEHOLD!
TOPNOTCH
Baneite Drill Instructor
Strength/Intelligence; The Bane
"LISTEN UP YOU WORTHLESS SACKS OF FLESH! I AM MASTER DRILL INSTRUCTOR TOP - NOTCH AND I AM EXURO TO YOU! THE FIRST AND LAST THING OUT OF YOUR THROATS WILL BE 'D.I.' DO YOU GET ME?"
A moment passes....Topnotch, who has A face like the masses
- (Topnotch gains all upgrades troops get.)
"I SAID DO YOU GET ME MAGGOTS!?!?!"
A rousing chorus of 'D.I. YES D.I.' rings out.
"Good...now then...I will be instructing you in club, in axe, and in sword. I will take you from a pathetic wretch to a killing MA - CHINE in one short week. Battle is just beyond that horizon and you WILL take life today before the sun sets!"
Topnotch passes by a few of the recruits.
"YOU THERE! STAND UP STRAIGHT...my gods...HOW TALL ARE YOU?"
"D.I. 6'2 D.I.!"
"HOLY....6'2 I didn't know they stacked Sh!t that high!"
Topnotch passes down the line.
"HOW ABOUT YOU, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"
"Th-"
"DID YOU HEAR A DAMN THING I SAID?"
Topnotch proceeds to punch the baneite in the throat causing him to sputter and fall to the deck.
"You are the sorriest set a c*ck-heads I've ever laid eyes on....now then..." Topnotch pauses...a grin slowly spreading on his face.
"....who thinks they have what it takes to knock me down?"
A moment passes, then a particularly large Baneite sticks his arm up.
"D.I....I...I think I might D.I."
Topnotch nods sarcastically and waves him forward.
The Baneite lumbers through the crowd and takes a swing with no preamble.
His stupidity is rewarded with a decisive 'snap' as Topnotch easily sidesteps the blow and breaks the fellows arm in several places. The others gasp or grimace and Topnotch faces them as the Baneite falls to the ground twitching and clutching its broken arm.
"Now then...as I told Lord Rikter during a sparring match while he wrapped his broken appendage...What good is all the swordwork in the world if you can't lift the thing?" He glances down. "You alright soldier?"
"D.I...augh...it's my arm...I augh...I think it's broken..."
Topnotch nods and looks across the field...
"MEDIC!"
- (Target allied unit is maimed, to remember it's lesson, but recovers X health over Y seconds.)
"As for the rest of you...." Topnotch throws a glare at the recruits.
"FORM UP AND ADVANCE!"
- (Allied units gain X% movement speed and deal an additional Y% damage for the next attack.)
One could almost see his Aura of Expertise
- (Allied troops gain 1,1,2,2,3 additional levels in upgrades.
Allied heroes gain a 5, 10, 15, 20, 25% bonus to EXP and gold drops.)
"Rach....to be with the Baneite Elite..."
- Four Baneite Elites will join Topnotch and try to do one of the following; Undermine - Removes an enemy tower. // Massacre - Stops an enemies spawn before it starts. // Assassination - Kills target enemy hero. // Impossible Odds - The Elite gain 50 to all stats and mindlessly charge the Hallowed Orders Main Base.
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There you have it.
Not one of my bests, but good for a chuckle.
~Exitus Acta Anhelo
