my fanfics dont make fun

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Holder of the Alt-F4
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my fanfics dont make fun

Post by Blue.Frog » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:13 pm


John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.


John Freeman who was Gordon Freemans brother was one day in an office typing on a computer. He got an email from his brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.

John Freeman got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat. John Freeman got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go.

John Freeman ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon.

The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for John Freemans quest to help his brother where he was. John Freeman looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys".

John Freeman was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when John Freeman went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here John Freeman saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs.

"I cant give you my lisense officer" John Freeman said

"Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to John Freeman.

"Because you are headcrab zombie" so John Freeman shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster.

John Freeman had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Gordon needed him where he was. John Freeman looked at road signs and saw "Ravenholm" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here" so John Freeman almost turned around but heard screaming like Gordon so he went faster again.

John Freeman drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of John Freeman. John Freeman smiled and walked fast. John Freeman then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house.

John Freeman said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house" and John Freeman felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece.

Then John Freeman herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Ravenholdm was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs.

When John Freeman got to where the screaming was started from he found his brother Gorden Freeman fightin the final bosss and Gordon said "John Freeman! Over here!" so John Freeman went there to where Gordon Freeman was fighting. John Freeman fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see.

Gordon Freeman said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. John Freeman said "thanks i could help, bro" and Gordon Freeman said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed.

The laughed overed quickly though because John Freeman yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Gordon Freeman looked up and said "NOO! John Freeman run out of here fast as you can!" and John Freeman walked real fast out.

John Freeman loked back and saw Gordon get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry.

"I'll get you back evil boss!" John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs.

to be continued..?


John Freeman walked like speed of light back to his motorcycl and left behind the bad place behind him. John Freeman had to ride his motorcycle really fast back to the office but John Freemans gas ran out. John Freeman jumped fast off the motorcycle and landed on dead peoples hands.

"Gordon Freeman is now these hands... i must kill the next boss and live up to full-life consequences!" John Freeman said out loud.

John Freeman picked up a laser gun and aimed it at trees to see if he could. John Freeman shot and tree fell down in front of him. John Freeman seen eggs fall out of the tree and he put them back home safe.

"These birds dont have to see Gordon Freeman yet. its not time." John Freeman said to him.

John Freeman had to walked faster and was back at his office work and on a computer. He looked on the internet and found the next boss.

"I know his weakness now" John Freeman said. And after that he got emails from someone. John Freeman opened up the emails and read them.

"Dear John Freeman, how are you? I miss you at home come home safe and soon with Gordon Freeman for thanksgiving dinner. Love mom." John Freeman looked at it and got sad and yelled "I WILL KILL THE BOSS AND GORDON FREEMAN WILL BE HAPPY SOUL!" then he turned on off the computer and wet on the platform again down to his other more faster motorcycle that had gas in it this time.

John Freeman put the laser gun on his motorcycle and his machine gun and his rocket gun that he found on the side of the motorcycle. He went through traffic and went fast like litning to back to Ravenholm and back to the bad place where Gordon Freeman was. John Freeman went off road and did backflips and landed on back wheels but kept going too.

John Freeman went really fast again like before and was soon back again at Ravenholm but saw more zombie goasts. John Freeman said to them "Zombie goasts i have killed your friends at the old house and i dont want to shoot your heads. move near the countrysides and you will be friends of John Freeman." The zombie goasts said that "no we will kill you" and walked fast to John Freemans motorcycle. John Freeman waited until they were in front of his motorcycle and backflipped off his bars and shot heads below and landed and walked fast to where the next boss was.

"you will be one of us!" yelled the dead zombie goasts. John Freeman laughed and shot a rocket at them.

John Freeman saw the next boss far down the road and walked slow this time. He walked really slow like a turtle and sat down on a rock and watched the next boss near the dead last boss and where the place that Gordon Freeman was. The next boss was laughing at John Freeman so John Freeman said "YOU WILL NOT LAUGH AT ME!" and shot a rocket at him since that was his weakness.

The next boss died and John Freeman was happy. He walked over to the dead bosses and put them under the ground and planted pants on them so instead of messy dirt and dark there was pretty things there now to be happy.

John Freeman walked to where Gordon Freeman was lying dead and crushed from the next bosss feet and looked down. A tear droped out of John Freemans eye and landed on Gordon Freeman.

"You are dead bro and i killed the evil boss." John Freeman told Gordon Freeman

Then John Freeman saw something bad. A headcrab was on Gordon Freeman! Gordon Freeman standed up and said "John Freeman... you got here slow and now i am zombie goast. you will pay..."

to be continued...?


Solid Snake was old and died before and his kid Jake Snake had to do things now for the world. Jake Snake growed up with Solid Snake and helped him beat metal gears but now Solid Snake was not there anymore and only Jake Snake was.

"Solid Snake what happens when you die" Jake Snake asked Solid Snake one time.

"It will be you left to beat the bad guys in the world and do what needs to be done." Solid Snake said to Jake Snake then he died later.

Jake Snake got a call from Otacon and Otacon said "Jake Snake metal gears are fighting in Out Heaven and you have to go there to fight them" so Jake Snake said "Otacon you were Solid Snakes friend and i want you to be my friend so i will fight metal gears too" so he left to Out Heaven to fight metal gears.

Jake Snake got his wepons and cigars becaus he didnt smoke cigarets and got on a plane and drove fast to Out Heaven to get where metal gears were fighting there. Jake Snake got to the top of the sky near where metal gears were fighting and put on autopilots and flipped out of the plane. Jake Snakes parashoot didnt open so he landed in water and swimmed to fighting metal gears. Jake Snake got out of the water and crawled fast and quiet to where metal gears were. Jake Snake pickd up a rocket gun and crawled faster and quiet so metal gears couldnt see him there.

Jake Snake stoped and smoked a cigar becaus he was tired then out of no where Otacon came on the phone and yelled "JAKE SNAKE BEHIND YOU!' so Jake Snake turned around and saw a bad guy with weapon pointed at Jake Snake.

"Why are you working for bad guys" Jake Snake told the bad guy with the weapon

"Becaus they hav metal gears and hav weapons that shoot lasers" the bad guy said back to Jake Snake.

Then Jake Snake said "I have lasers too" and brought it out of his pocket where it was hiding and shot the bad guy in teh face.

"I dont like bad guys like that" Jake Snake said to the dead bad guy then he threw his cigar on him and he lighted on fire.

Jake Snake crawled fast again to where metal gears were fihgting becaus he could hear the bullets and booms. Jake Snake brought out his rocket gun and shot a rocket at a metal gear and the metal gear blew up and fell. Other metal gears came when the boom happened and came to Jake Snake who was crawling fast in bushes.

"They saw me" Jake Snake said so he put on camoflosh and disapeard.

"Where did he go" a metal gear said to the other metal gears

"Over there" and the metal gears shot at the bushs but they only hit ground and nothing.

Then Jake Snake said "i am here you bad guys" and was behind them. The metal gears turned around and saw Jake Snake in a metal gear that Jake Snake hided somewhere.

"Solid Snake fighted you bad guys and now i have to. you will pay fools" Jake Snake said. Then Jake Snake and the metal gears shot bullets and rockets and lasers and there was a lot of booms and dust came. The dust went away and Jake Snake was still in his metal gear but the other ones were there too and they said "We have armor Jake Snake" and Jake Snake said "What about this?" and shot something special at them.

to be continued...?


Jake Snake shot the special thing that was a nuke that only kill enemy metal gears but not Jake Snake so when he shot it the enemys died. Jake Snake flied up to the top of the sky again in the metal gear and drove really really fast to more into Out Heaven to fight more metal gears. Jake Snake was up in the top of the sky and looked down and seeen a boss metal gear making people blow up with weapon so Jake Snake went down and landed fast and dust came again then it went and Jake Snake said "Boss metal gear stop it or i will shoot you with fire gun."

The boss metal gear said "Ha ha Jake Snake you are just small child and cant kill me becaus i am strong and have wepons that kill things and you too Jake Snake."

Jake Snake said back angry "IM NOT SMALL CHILD AND I WILL SHOOT YOU WITH FIRE GUN!" so Jake Snake shot fire all on the boss metal gear and the boss metal gear fell down. The boss jumped out of metal gear then the metal gear went BOOM and went away somewhere to pieces.

Jake Snake jumped out of teh metal gear to and landed and then jumped and kickd the boss in the leg so the boss fell. Then Jake Snake took out a nife and stabed the boss in the hart and the boss died. Jake Snake crawled in teh ground and went somewhere else again to fight other things.

Out of no where again Otacon sccreamed "JAKE SNAKE BEHIND YOU AGAIN!" and Jake Snake turned around and there was 10 bad guys there. Jake Snake throwed a flash bang and put on glasses so the flashes wouldnt hurt him then the flash went away and he put the glasses away and the bad guys coudlnt see. Jake Snake standed up and crawled to one of the bad guys and borke his arm and his neck and throwed him at another bad guy and snapped off his head. Jake Snake took out his wepon that he got from the boss metal gear and made a bad guy blow up then he throwed the gun at 2 bad guys and killd them too. Then Jake Snake choked a guy and riped off his arms and throwed them at anoter guy then he went to the other guy and stepd on him til he died.

Then Jake Snake said to Otacon "thats a lot of dead bad guys" and Otacon said "Solid Snake did that too before" and Jake Snake said "I must go!" so he went in the bad guy base thaht was around in trees.

Jake Snake crawled into the base and shot a camera so they couldnt see him in there so he could go there quietly. Out of no where someone was behind Jake Snake again so he turned round and saw Revolver Ocelot there.

"I killed Solid Snake and how i kill you Jake Snake" Revolver Ocelot said to Jake Snake after Jake Snake saw him. "No! You didnt kill Solid Snake!" Jake Snake said back. "Yes i did and i did it slow and he was hurting a lot" Revolver Ocelot said after. "Im going to kill you Revolver Ocelot for that!" Jake Snake yelled back.

Revolver Ocelot jumped away and landed and shot Jake Snake in the eyes so Jake Snake had to get an eye patch out of his pocket and he put it on then he shot Revolver Ocelot but Revolver Ocelot ran away after so Jake Snake had to follow him.

Then teh room filled up with gas and Revolver Ocelots voice spoked from thhe speakers and said to Jake Snake "now you die too." Jake Snake looked around and coffed and was dying almost.

to be continued...?


Joe Chief was in space and had wepons and was a army guy but he wasnt a robot liek Master Chief so he didnt fly. Joe Chief was one day in a place and shooting wepon at targits and then got a call on the space tv in the ship that said to him "JOE CHIEF ALIENS ARE SHOTING AT SHIP COME HERE QUICK" so he went.

Joe Chief ran fast there to where bullets were from aliens and took out his wepons and shot at space to hit ships. Aliens started flying from space into Joe Chiefs ship so he had to do somthing quick. Joe Chief punched a alien and ran fast to get big wepon from the lock room so he went there and got it and shot alien again in teh legs and they fell and Joe Chief shot again and killd them. Joe Chief lookd at dead aliens and said to them "Aliens we are human people and you are aliens but we dont need to kill things like us" and then pushed them into space.

After teh normil aliens the flood came and every thing got wet and messy and lightningy becaus water hit teh space tv and all the things and made sparks. After teh aliens sent the flood other aliens with big heads came and Joe Chief had to runaway becaues there was to many of those and they were killing other human people on teh ship.

"Human people army guys hurry and come in ship!" Joe Chief said to the human people there becaus aliens were killing them and he was in a escape ship and ready to go. 3 other human people came just in time becaus the big ship blew up n they were flying fast in space and going to the Halo to meet the army base and get ready fo tight.

Joe Chief had to fly fast and go a round tings liek alien ships and things. Then out of no where BOOM happend and the back of the espcape ship fell open n one of the army guys fell out and explodd in space then another one closed it and said "NOOOOO HE WAS MY BROTHER!" and then got tired and slept.

Joe Chief lookd a front of him and seen alien shooting at him so he did a barral roll and teh lasers went around him and went away. Joe Chief sawd the Halo in Space so he put the ship faster and went there quick becaus a lot of aliens were there. Joe Chief shot like "bang bang bang" from teh ship and made aliens blow up and then landed ship on Halo.

Joe Chief said to teh other 2 army guys "Were here now get wepon n kill aliens fast" so they did but when they left a ship landed and skwashed them.

Human people army guys were all dying fast and Joe Chief had to save them but he didnt know how but then he saw something and went to it and piced it up and said "no we win" to himself.

to be continued...?

HALO: HALOS IN SPACE 2: Aliens attack

Joe Chief bended his leg and his other legs and lookd at big wepon and tear droped down his eyes and said “alien you shoot at my human people and kill and shoot at them! No more or else!” then Joe Chief grabed the wepon on his back and standed up.

All every where aliens was shooting and making booms on human people around the Halo place. “No over there no over there!” a human guy said to another human guy becaus alien things are going to them. “No we die soon!” the other human guy said back to the other human guy after. “No you dont die soon!” Joe Chief yelt back to the human guys. “Yes we do!” human guys shout back. “No look” Joe Chief said then BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM Joe Chief shot the big huge wepon that lookd like a cannon on a pirat ship but smaller and more bigger bullets. The aliens around had no heads no more becaus the wepon blew them to teeny weeny pieces. “Yes thank you Joe Chief!” both human guys said at the same time together.

After Joe Chief helped them he went away to helped other human guys. But right then a HUGE aliens ship droppd down from teh space skies. Joe Chief tryed shootin big booms at it but no thing happend cus aliens ship had a lightningy thing on it that made booms blow up to fast. Joe Chief said “What!? How when i have this wepon i cant kill big alien ship?! Now I have no bullets!!” and he yelled it really loud. Joe Chief jumpd over dead aliens with no head really fast to get to big wepon place. It wasnt there but Joe Chief said “hurry!” then it came on the ground becaus wepons get born in Halo Town from some place you cant see. When Joe Chief was puttin it on his back again the aliens ship saw him and punchd a button to make missil come from it to go to Joe Chief. It blew up every place and Joe Chief but Joe Chief had a shield but it was all gone after so Joe Chief waited for the bzzt bzzt chhhhhrg and the shield got back.

“Nice try alien ship but now i have shield again ha ha ha!” Joe Chief yelled at ship then ship said “dont laugh at me ill show you!” and punched another missil at Joe Chief but then some human people droved to Joe Chief on a War Thog and picked him up and drove away befor missil hit them. “Joe Chief a general befor said that the boss alien is on the big ship we need to kill boss alien to make them go far back to Alien Town okay?”a human guy with a cool helmut said. “Okay lets kill all them!” Joe Chief said. “Wait you hear that?” helmut human guy said. “Yes I dont know what is it” Joe Chief said. “It is me!” a big alien with spines on the back of it and a shield like Joe Chief said. “Oh now i kill you!” Joe Chief said.

The spines alien shot a needle gun at the War Thog and killt the human people and the needles stuck in the helmut of the human guy but then they stuck in his heart so he died anyways. Joe Chief jumped from it and landed on his hands and then flipped even thow his space guy armor was heavy. “Spines alien we can fight with wepon like babies or fight with hands and feet like strong guys!” Joe Chief said out loud to spines alien. “Joe Chief i am not a baby i will fight you with hands and feet” Spines alien says back. Joe Chief charjed at spines alien with his fist out ready for a big punch but the spies alien turned around and Joe Chief punched spines “OWW” Joe Chief said but he broke the spines off so the spines alien said “OW” to. Joe Chief looked at the big alien ship and saw that the doors was closing and he was running out of time so Joe Chief said “now you die!” then with a lot of power from his whole body Joe Chief stepped back then swang his arm really really really fast you couldnt see it becaus it was a blur then PLOW right on the spines alien face. The spines aliens face blew up and brains and blood and guts went all over. The doors were closed almost so Joe Chief ran fast and jumped to try to get under the door, but...

to be continued...?


Rain Strife who was Cloud Strifes brother was one day near Midgar in a city that was small called Strifetown were Cloud Strife was born in and Rain Strife too. Rain Strife was littler then Cloud Strife so he couldnt join Barret and Tifa so he stayed home and stayed. Rain Strife was pracktising so he could one day do it like Cloud Strife and that is the time when it happened when comets came down to Strifetown and killd people in Strifetown and Rain Strifes parents who were Cloud Strifes parents too.

The comets came and killd people in Strifetown and Midgar and every where else and people said really loud "Help us some body soon" and Rain Strife heard it so he went. Rain Strife traveled fast to where loud sounds come from to help them out there. They said all together "Help Rain Strife we are hurting" and Rain Strife said back "I will help you if your hurting" and Rain Strife blew out fire and pickd up some comet off people and bandaided them to health. Then Rain Strife yelled out loud real loud "Sephiroth stop or i make you stop!" and traveled faster to were Sephiroth is.

Rain Strife went traveled over the lands and hills and ground and water and wanted to stop Sephiroth to make him stop hurting people in Strifetown and all other towns in Fantasyworld. Rain Strife stopped at other places and said "All people i will stop Sephiroth and help the people until I do" and the people of Fantasyworld said "Thank you Rain Strife save us like Cloud Strife did before" so he went. On the way to Sephiroths castle in the sky Rain Strife had fight and battle bad guys on the way there. Rain Strife traveled and then BOOM there was fight and Rain Strife had to fight but he didnt have members to help Rain Strife yet so Rain Strife did it himself. The bad guy was like a tree but had wings and fire came out so Rain Strife had to duck alot. Rain Strife went SLASH fast and SLASH cut tree in parts and fell a part and died fast so Rain Strife did win dance and kept traveling faster.

Rain Strife went over hill and saw town and went and he got in and saw bad things puncing people in town so Rain Strife said "STOP!" and fighted them and won them and did win dance and kept talking to see what happen. People in town said "Sephiroth came" and Rain Strife said "NO SEPHIROTH NOT THIS TIME!" and screamed to sky. Then a balck guy with gun on hands said "I help you Rain Strife in to fight Sephiorth in the sky" so Rain Strife said "Thanks you black guy you are in quest" and Rain Strife and black guy with gun hands left town to fight Sephiroth. Rain Strife and black guy talked on the way to travel there to see what happen to them. Black guy said Sephiroth comets came to his town and killed all the family in his house so black guy wanted to kill Sephiroth back. Rain Strife told black guy about Strifetown and all happened so black guy said "I help you more" because the story was sad.

Rain Strife and black guy kept going then all of a sudden BOOM again and a other fight came. Black guy said "This is my fight this time" and shot the bad guys with wepon hands and bad guys said "AHH NO SPEHIROTH WER SORRY WE DIE!" and disapeard so black guy and Rain Strife did win dance and music came when they dance then they kept going. Rain Strife and black guy kept travel on the path then they saw a big city on fire and said "Oh no" both together because it was an important city on fire and Rain Strife and black guy said "We need to help fast!" and ran there but something bad happened!

to be continued...?

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Re: my fanfics dont make fun

Post by The Colonel » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:28 pm

I think Cold posted the Half-Life one before, I really like the zombie ghost part.

Oh, and why didn't you just post the videos?

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Re: my fanfics dont make fun

Post by Blue.Frog » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:32 pm


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Re: my fanfics dont make fun

Post by VZhitogoroshi » Mon Sep 01, 2008 12:38 am

Erm, pretending it's yours kinda just ruins the joke? I mean, it's not like we can't READ. :p

And as far as I knew, we've all heard of this before. Someone else posted the Doom one but inserted Dusk, as I recall.

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Re: my fanfics dont make fun

Post by Scarlet » Mon Sep 01, 2008 1:25 am

VZhitogoroshi wrote:And as far as I knew, we've all heard of this before. Someone else posted the Doom one but inserted Dusk, as I recall.

Hey, some of us are new to this whole thing!

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Re: my fanfics dont make fun

Post by Hell_Tempest » Mon Sep 01, 2008 9:56 pm

I lold so hard. The videos are win.

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Re: my fanfics dont make fun

Post by Glortex » Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:53 pm

Hell_Tempest wrote:I lold so hard. The videos are win.
Lol me too. I loved the headcrab police officer.
I play TF2.
Ok, so I live on TF2...

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Re: my fanfics dont make fun

Post by Hydrolisk » Mon Sep 08, 2008 5:18 pm

I've no idea what the Hell is going on, and who wrote this?

What the Hell?

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Re: my fanfics dont make fun

Post by Hell_Tempest » Tue Sep 09, 2008 1:13 am

Hydrolisk wrote:I've no idea what the Hell is going on, and who wrote this?

What the Hell?


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